Letters to Prussia
by LudwigElric118
Summary: A series of letters written from Germany to his brother, Prussia. Mostly about the idiotic tendancies of Italy and whatever seems to happen. T for language.
1. Italy's Training

**So this is a new series I've decided to write called "Letters to Prussia." Basically, Germany letting off some steam about Italy's idiotic tendancies in the form of letters to Prussia. The idea came from when I would write letters to my friend, gatorgirl517, as Germany to her as Prussia. **

**If you guys have any ideas or incidents you would like me to put in the next letters, please review!**

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Gilbert,

America still has my diary, so I still can't write about how such an idiot Italy is in it! MEIN GOTT! This morning, I was trying to get him to pay attention, but all he did was play with that stupid cat! Then, he started rolling around on the floor with a cat. I mean seriously, that dumnkoph! He has enough energy to role around on the floor with a cat, but he can't run a single lap!

Anyway, I am stuck here at home with that snobby aristocrat, Austria, because my boss says he has to stay at my house. Damn it! The bastard can't even make his own damn tea! I wish it was 1748 cause then you could seize his vital regions again. Which reminds me…Hungary came over today going on and on about how she wants you give back something….Austria's happy place….I don't know. Talk to her about it. Hungary is scary when she gets pissed.

Also, America's hat came over yesterday wanting to talk to you about your relationship or something. He got cut off by Italy who came running across Switzerland's lawn again without any pants on. Switzerland looked very mad this time…again. He was shouting at Italy about disturbing Liechtenstein's picnic, and once again Italy was yelling my name over and over again begging for help. Seriously, that idiot can run fast when Switzerland is chasing him, but can't run over 0.05 km/h in training! Mein Gott, Gil! Why did I make an alliance with Italy in the first place? Schieße!

Sigh….I guess I shouldn't be too hard on him, but he really can annoy me sometimes. Oh well….. ("Germany! Germany! Help Me! Help Me!" "Stay off my lawn, you freaking Pasta Lover!")…..Gil, I have to go. Italy is being attacked by Switzerland again…

Sincerely,  
Germany  
Ludwig


	2. Prussia's Awesome Response

**gatorgirl517 agreed to write the responses of Prussia to Germany's letters, so here is her first response. **

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West,

I was so awesome today! I successfully had six beers in two minutes; it is a new world record. Aren't you proud of who raised you? Maybe you were lucky enough to inherit some of my awesomeness.

Trust me, I know all about that stupid aristocrat. In case you have not noticed, I hate his guts. Can you have Ita wish for a shooting star to kill him? That would be helpful. It's time for that brat to learn how to make his own damn tea. And I can't stand him and his little piano playing. Is that trash even considered music? There are no words or anything to it! He can't even defend himself; what a loser, so he has to call Hungary, who can't defend himself either. About Hungary, he is really annoying, although I did manage to find his weak spot. Maybe I will tell you later; then you would be able to attack him!

What the hell, West? You know "America's hat" has a name, right? It's Matthew Williams! Why does everyone always get him mixed up with that dumb America? They don't even look alike! Please tell him that I will come over for maple pancakes shortly.

Please don't get mad at Ita. I mean, why are you getting mad at your boyfriend? It's obvious he likes you; he even sleeps with you! And sometimes naked! Maybe I should go buy you a book I saw the other day; it's called "Dating Advice for Germans." For some reason they don't have them for the Italians.

Well I hope Gilbird brings this to you quickly! Let me know if you want me to pick that book up!

I AM AWESOME,  
Gilbert


	3. What's with Italy's Curl

**The next letter is up! YAY! I officially humiliated myself with this one. Ve~  
Don't Forget to review with suggestion for the next letter! **

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Gilbert,

Italy is not my boy friend! And HOW ZHE HOLY FURHER DOES HE GET INTO MY BED? Mein Gott, VHY IS HE NAKED? *facepalm* Nein, I do not need that book because ITALY IS NOT MY BOYFIREND!

Anyway, Romano came over after America's Hat left to go have pancakes and maple syrup with you. He still calls me Potato Bastard and hates that Italy and I have an alliance. After nearly strangling Italy, Romano brought out a mustache and held it up to himself saying how much of a fool I looked with a mustache. From my angle, he looked like the fool wearing a mustache.

Gil, do you know what Italy's curl really is? Bothe Italy and Romano started freaking out when I touched it. They let me touch it before! Why is this time any different?

Also, Italy would not stop bugging me today! He wanted me to play football with him, but I was reading! He kept slapping my hand over and over and over again! Mein Gott! It was honestly more annoying than those times America had China attack me and Japan with that giant Wok of his. Schieße! I will never be able to get anything done!

By the way, Austria was furious today! He said you did something to his piano…cut the strings or something like that. Why does he keep coming to me for his own damn problems? He's older than me! He should be able you figure them out on his own by now! That snobby aristocrat still doesn't know how to make his own damn tea! In addition, he threatens to go to Italy if I don't! Schieße! Ignore that last bit!

Sincerely,  
Ludwig  
Germany


	4. Prussia Explains Ita's Hair Curl to West

**Well, I did ask gatorgirl517 for her responses as Prussia, and this is what I got. *facepalm*  
Don't forget to Review!**

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West,

Once again, I was awesome today. Clearly you were not. From reading your letter, I took it upon myself to…uh…hmm…how do I put this? Well, let's just say that Austria will be giving you a book called _For Beginners: How To Properly Comfort A German Man Who Has Fallen In Love_. If that book does not help you, then I will go buy the other book we were talking about. Sounds like you need some serious romantic help. It's ok, not everyone can be as awesome as me.

With Romano, well, he can be a bit of a pain in the ass. Just send him back to Spain; their relationship could be classified as successful compared to yours.

And Austria should be ticked at me. I broke his precious, crappy, stupid, aristocratic piano. But that was because, well, I wanted to get back at him! He said some…uh…mean things to me. But he won't be talking that way to me anymore; I gave him a swift kick in the vital regions with my iron boots. He may not be able to walk for a little while, so don't worry about him being a bother to you.

And hold everything! You mean to tell me that you pulled Ita's hair curl! WEST! And you say you don't have a boyfriend! Hahaha, now it is obvious that you do. But really, I didn't think you were that… well…kinky. I thought you were a military man! You do know what Ita's hair curl is, right? Well, it's his…umm…erogenous zone…. But seriously, West! If you are THAT kind of person now, you need to wait until you and Ita are alone! Although, you two do make a cute couple. Should I start planning your wedding?

Your Awesome Bruder,

Gilbert


	5. West Reacts and then Rants about Trainin

**The next letter is up and Germany got kinda mad in this one,so watch out for the language.  
I still appreciate all the reviews!**

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Gilbert Bielschmidt,

ICH HASSE DICH!

VHAT ZHE HELL? How in the name of the Holy Furher was I supposed to know what Italy's curl is? NEIN! We are not getting married because we are not a couple! Besides, Italy already loves someone else. Some guy named Holy Roman Empire or something. You should know more than I do because you were around when Holy Rome was around. Verdammt, that snobby Aristocrat Austria knows more about this Holy Rome character than I do!

Anyway, remind me not to let Italy to drive….EVER! Japan nearly had a heart attack after Italy drove him from the World Conference to my place….again. How on Earth Italy got his license in the first place is a complete mystery to me. I swear! Italy is a public menace when he's behind the wheel! I will not let him near my car ever again! Also, I might hide his care while I'm at it.

In addition, Italy's and Japan's training has been going nowhere! Today I asked them what to do if they were ever confronted by England and France. Italy responded, "That's-a an easy one, sir! Surrender Immediately! Make them pasta, kiss their butts, and go to bed!" He was wrong…again. I asked Japan and his was better, but still not correct. "I wesond Japanese ray! Say rone thing! Be uncrear!" They just don't get it.

(Germany! Germany! Help Me! Help Me! My shoe came untied again and I don't know how! Help me, Germany, Help MEEEE!) *Sigh* Well, Gil. I have to go. Italy needs help….again.

Sincerely,  
Ludwig  
Germany

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ICH HASSE DICH: I hate you

Verdammt: Damn


	6. Holy Rome and America Attacks

**Okay! Finally, gatorgirl517 has written Prussia's letter. Yes, gatorgirl517 and I are supporters of the theory that Holy Roman Empire is in fact Germany. So, if you don't agree, don't complain. And America has finally arrived in this one!**

**Disclaimer: gatorgirl517 and I do not own Hetalia or it's characters. **

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West,

Oh, I see how it is now. You say Ita loves Holy Roman Empire? Well, I hate to break the news to you, but that was you before you met me. You were the Holy Roman Empire. Holy Rome's ultimate goal was to get Ita to become part of his empire, but he was dissolved and other countries came from his territories. Well, you know what this means, right? It means that Ita is actually in love with you, and that all you want is for Ita to "become a part of you." Guess I should start planning the wedding after all, huh West?

You think Ita is a bad driver? Please. I saw America and Britain leaving the World Conference one day, and Britain all about chocked America, who started driving on the right side of the road and was singing to some American rock song. Although, the whole thing was very amusing to me.

Maybe Ita would focus more in training if you gave him some more breaks. I know it can be frustrating though, since we are both military-minded men. I had to train that idiot America for his fight with Britain, but he didn't like my style of teaching, or something like that. These guys will never learn the true art of military genius and training.

Speaking of America, I'm really ticked off at him right now. I didn't think he could get any dumber, but I was proved wrong. So I was casually walking away from the World Conference, and I could hear America running from behind me. Apparently Ita mentioned something about an American flag being downstairs. Do you know anything about this? If you set this up, I will come repeatedly kick your vital regions too. So America was running and of course tripped over nothing, knocked me over, and we both fell flat on our faces. We even left skid marks in the hallway. So now my knees have huge scrapes in them and blood is just flowing out everywhere. They hurt so much; I can hardly even walk. Damn that stupid America, but if you set this up, things will not be pretty for you.

Hope things go well between you and Ita!

Your Bruder,

Gilbert


	7. Those Idiot Allies

**So yeah... This one is a little short, but I have been busy lately with the end of the school year. OH! The events in this one and gatorgirl517's previous letter were inspire by events that happened a few days ago. **

**Don't forget to Review! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or it's characters. **

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Gil,

*too dumbstruck about being Holy Rome to respond about that* ITALY AND I ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED!

Anyway…..

Maybe you trained America to well, Gil. I mean he did end up beating England (twice), Mexico, Spain, Me (twice…let's not go there), Japan, Russia…. You get the point. Maybe you should try training Italy. You might have more success than I'm currently having, which is none.

I can't believe America would trip you because of an American flag, that dumnkoph. Mein Gott, Gil! Why on earth would you think I had anything to do with that? If anyone convinced Italy to tell America about the flag, it would've been that SCHEIßKERL France!

Speaking of that idiot, he attacked Italy after the World Conference for no apparent reason! France shoved him into a wall. I was able to stop that idiot before he hurt Italy seriously, but Italy still got a 2 inch long cut on his shin, a badly bruised knee and elbow. If a war starts over this, I just want to say: France started this one. Why do the Allies always attack Italy when I'm not there?

Also, why are the Allies attacking us? It's not World War 2! Those dumnkophs always accuse me of starting fights, but every single World Conference, they are the ones to start fighting, especially America, Britain, and France. Those 3 are always fighting. MEIN GOTT, GIL! It's like those 3 want us countries to go to war…..AGAIN! They are all complete DUMNKOPHS!

Sincerely,  
Ludwig  
Germany


End file.
